It was a Memorial Day weekend and my wife was trying to get me out of the house again, probably because I’m such a hermit crab. I remember it so well because it was one of those spring days where the sun was shining bright but it wasn’t hot. It almost made me feel guilty for staying indoors. So we decided to spend the day at the Water Gardens in Fort Worth, and I’m glad we did. It was the perfect place to take our 3 energetic boys and let them run around, and around, and around. They were 1, 3, and 5, which meant I spent a lot of time holding my youngest back from chasing his big brothers everywhere. They were pretty excited, the funny part was watching me try to keep up with all their energy.

It pains me to say it, but this was the last normal memory we had as a family that year. My wife is a strong woman, but when she had a pain that started in her feet, keeping her from going to the store, I knew something was wrong. Before long, this mysterious pain traveled up her legs, through her hips, and into her back. As I found myself having to run errands more often and be the one to take care of anything we needed. Her pain had gotten so bad that she could not sit up straight or stand for longer than a few minutes. So I started spending more time taking care of her and the boys, doing everything I can. I also had to buy things like bathtub handles, shower stools, and other stuff to help her get around. I couldn’t bear to see that painful look on her face, as she tried to move around, that look that made my heart drop.

Learning to cope

One day I was shopping for a cane to help her walk a little easier. I remember thinking to myself, “how is this even happening? Am I dreaming? How can my health conscious wife, who loves to run, be going through all this?” This was all so confusing and frustrating. It seemed like the only thing we could really do about it was to just keep moving forward. At the time we still didn’t know what was going on, and the doctors didn’t have any answers. We just continued to put our trust in God because everything we tried only made it worse. After many doctor visits, we discovered she had something called Tarlov Cysts disease. Which meant there were cysts growing INSIDE her spinal cord! And they were pushing against her tailbone, causing even more trouble.

A few months after that, we kept finding answers. We discovered a doctor who specialized in treating the cysts through surgery. So after praying, researching, and talking it over, she decided to get that done. I remember when it was complete, the surgeon walked out to inform me it went very well. He also began telling me it took a long time because she had more cysts than anyone he’s operated on, a total of 10! I was shocked. It was difficult to know what to think. I was happy the worst part was over. I remember being thankful it went well, such a huge relief. We thanked God, as well as our friends and family, who continued to bring meals and support us in so many ways. They all played a huge role in helping us get through this recovery, which was expected to last about a year.

The long road ahead

That year came and went, and even though the worst part was over, she still struggled to do the most basic things. Like standing for longer than 10 minutes at a time, going on a walk, or even riding in a car. All these things wiped her out for at least 5 or 6 days. Forcing her to lay down in the bed, and use everything we had to feel just a little bit better. Things looked much different than the outcome we anticipated.

I remember being so stressed that my jaw started to lock up. I continued having to do so much, it was total survival mode. I remember every week having to get home late to unload groceries, clean the kitchen, and get everyone ready for the next day. While being her caregiver and a dad at the same time. I was doing my best to fight off the depression of not knowing what was going to happen, or when it would improve.

It felt like a dream we couldn’t wake up from. Few people understood what we were going through because on the outside she looked fine. However, this affected our family life big time. She still couldn’t take the kids anywhere on her own, or come to church with us like she used to. No special events for school or field trips either. It’s hard to imagine how many sacrifices we had to make, it was very difficult and isolating. I think one of the most difficult times was her not being able to take the kids to their 1st day of school. That was pretty rough.

Staying resilient

It was now four years after that lovely Memorial Day weekend. We struggled to accept that we were still going through this storm. We continued to fight back by learning as much as we could, and keep getting tests. By 2019 we found out she had two more diseases on top of the first which was shocking.

As bad as it seemed, things started to get a little better. Having the extra diagnosis, gave us more to work with. We began using better medicine and more specific protocols that started to pay off. Thanks to a few amazing doctors who wouldn’t give up on us. It started to feel odd seeing her become a little more active. She wasn’t completely out of the clear, but the chaos was starting to calm down. And we felt like we were able to at least have SOME sense of a normal life, as our boys were now 5, 7 and 9. It felt amazing, and weird, being able to see the roots of hope start growing again.

There’s so much more to this story. I don’t know if I’ll ever find a way to tell it all, but in 2019 amazing things began to happen. We were able to bring her to our nieces and nephew’s birthday parties without a major catastrophe. I remember she got to hug and snuggle with our beautiful niece’s for a long time. They hadn’t seen her very much in the past few years. It was humbling to see them catch up. Yes, she still has to be very careful, we were not 100% back to normal. Yet it was amazing that she was able to go with us especially after doing so much in the weeks earlier.

Finding gratitude

Soon after this, on a November evening, right after sunset, we began walking up the steps to meet some friends. Anne, I, and the boys were attending Thanksgiving with some friends of ours. It was surreal, as we reached toward the door. We paused to look at each other for a moment to take it all in. To reflect on the actual miracle happening right in front of our eyes. God was taking care of us, even in the middle of this insane storm! We’ve literally lost time with family, time with friends, days from work, loss of income, loss of sleep, and so many other things. But here we are, attending the type of invite that ALWAYS got pushed to the back burner. We were full of giggles like a couple of kids. Being able to do this was awesome, even if it took 4 years to get here. Words can’t describe what that felt like, such a fitting emotion for the holiday, that’s for sure.

My painting

I wanted to share this story so you can understand where the inspiration behind this painting came from. You and I may face unprecedented challenges like these, some of which seem to never end. Not all challenges are health related, so I wanted to share this, to at least get it out there. To hopefully offer some encouragement that even though the storms might be all around, God will help us find a way. And we WILL walk THROUGH them! The light at the end of our tunnel is not a train.

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For Anne and I, life looks different than we ever expected our late 30’s and early 40’s to look, but that doesn’t mean we have to be miserable. God can take any rotten circumstance and bring something good out of it. This painting is a reminder of the pain, anger and confusion I had to go through to build the massive growth that came from walking through it. My hope is that it inspires you too, because we all have something we have to fight through. Especially now, in these crazy times, how important is it to remember who we really are, and that there’s still hope, even in the middle of a storm?